Hell or Heaven - Imaginary Idiocy?

Have you ever noticed how every religion ends up defining rights and wrongs as a list of To-Do's, to be rewarded by a place in the heaven or hell respectively?

Have you ever noticed how every religion defines heaven as a place filled with bodily pleasures of food, drink, physical company, and hell as a place where immense physical torment will be inflicted upon the erring humans?

Moreover, all these religions talk about pleasures only in terms of the masculine: booze, food and celestial maidens. Isn't that evidence enough that all these religions were perceived by sophisticated male-chauvinistic shamans to exploit their gullible 'followers'?

And, just in case, today I am to form an 'organized religion', what sort of a hell and heaven should I define - (hell) as a place where your body loses all charm, virility and vigor (facial fairness, in case of women) or (heaven) as a place with all the snazzy gadgets, abundance of booze, hashish and barely dressed svelte seductresses?!

Ashok Krishna