Lessons about Indian Roads

If you are a law-abiding citizen of some foreign country, newly arrived in India and a total stranger to the Indian roads and traffic system, the following are some of the lessons that you will do well to remember!

1.    If the road is being very smooth and the vehicle is running so smooth, beware – there is a bigger pothole the size of a lunar crater will be just lurking ahead.

2.    If the driver in front of you uses side indicators while taking turns, beware. This guy knows the rules and regulations and will stick to the useless speed limits too. It won’t help if you are in a zipping hurry and want to rip through the traffic to your destination. Just kick his back and zip ahead.

3.    If the driver ahead of you does not use the side indicators, don’t be dismayed. We are suffering from hectic power outages across the country and hence we do our little bit to save electricity by not using the indicator lamps.

4.    If you are a person who obeys the traffic signals, probably the ‘pole position’ is not for you. If you stop at red at a signal, make sure that you stay at the third or even fourth row from the stop line. This is because, we Indians have a tendency to start moving the moment the signal counter starts counting down from 10.

5.    If you want to stick to the line and wait for green light, please be prepared to receive some choicest epithets.

6.    The worst combination of drivers to be sandwiched between will be a dumb auto-driver behind you and an aged person driving ahead of you. While the old person ahead will not heed to your horns, the driver behind will not stop honking. There are other deadly combinations too – between a bus driver (behind) and a load-carrier (ahead), a school-bus ahead and a crazy youngster in a two-wheeler behind and so on. But we wish that you do some research on your own too!

7.    We will not be obeying the signals when the cop isn’t around. So, in case you had green in your signal, while we had red in ours, but the road was freer on our end with no cop around, we will still zoom ahead and if any accident happens, we will squarely blame you.

8.    If you are planning to overtake a bus on a free road, think twice - or even thrice. You may suddenly find your shirt splashed with saliva – may come without flavors normally or if you are lucky, you may even get the same in different flavors like betel leaves, tobacco, gutkha and so on. We Indians don’t use the helmets without reason!

9.    Similarly, while riding in the roads, if you see the windows of the vehicle ahead being rolled down, caveat! You may find water-bottles, pet bottles, empty snack pockets, or any such assortment of garbage being dumped on the road. If you are not lucky enough, you have all the possibilities of the same being splattered on you.

10.    Imagine this sight – a Skoda or a Toyota or even a BMW or an Audi pulls ahead in front of you at a signal. The door opens, and a fair hand with fingers brimming with rings made of various metals opens the door. If you ever come across such a sight, turn your face the other way. If possible, even move your vehicle away from the same. Else, you might need to witness a mouth-waterfall– again in various flavors ranging from tobacco to ghutka, wetting the asphalt beneath.

(to be contd.)